Author Topic: Very Interesting IR comments from TheDisplacedAfrican.com  (Read 3175 times)

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Offline George

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Very Interesting IR comments from TheDisplacedAfrican.com
« on: December 27, 2008, 05:36:39 PM »
Jungle Fever 2: The Relationship Between White Men and African Women is a great article by Mwangi on TheDisplacedAfrican.com

I really enjoyed the comments from readers near the bottom, so I asked the author/owner, Mwangi, if I could reprint those comments here.  I also asked the author of the comments, Ciru, if she would give her permission also.  They both said yes, so this is reprinted with permission from the following link.

http://www.thedisplacedafrican.com/280/jungle-fever-2-the-relationship-between-white-men-and-african-women/#comment-10712

Ciru Says:
December 27th, 2008 

I just came across your blog today and have to say I love it.

I am married to a white man and I just wanted to mention that being all that interracial marriages are I love mine. I know a man will always be a man and some even say we should accept the African man for who he is but I believe life is too short and I want to be treated as best as life has to offer. I have dated many African and African-American men, and even some white men and my husband is just IT!

My biggest complaint with the African men was being expected to be the kitchen-girl. I like to cook but if I have to go out and work too we have to share the household stuff. The African-American man? The common theme was that treating a woman right involved taking her to the mall and buying her tons and tons of stuff; anything she wanted. That in itself I found demeaning. I have a good education, a good job, a good house and my own car. I even prefer to pay my own bills. Someone to ‘buy me whatever I would like’ was not on the list of my perfect man.

Some white men expect the African woman to be their mother (for lack of a better word). While African women are very nurturing there is definitely a very big and bold line between being a gf/wife and being a mother. Once that line is crossed then things should end very quickly (mental image is very disturbing).

I am all for interracial marriages as long as they are entered into with the best of intentions by both parties.

On the topic of African women and Asian men: I have a very good friend who date a Chinese man for the longest time. IMO they made the perfect couple. Their names literally rhymed. All was well until his parents realized he was dating a Kenyan woman. They repeatedly asked why he had to date not just an African but a Kenyan. Apparently Kenyans have AIDS. Long story short he was forced to go back to Hong Kong to “take care of the family business”. Sad story but that has been the common theme in all the African-Asian relationships I have seen. One Asian girl’s parents attempted suicide when they learned that her bf was African!! Very sad.

Mwangi Says:
December 27th, 2008

@Ciru: Yet another A+ comment. That “kitchen girl” issue is a huge complaint for a lot of women out there in the States it seems because there’s almost no discussion I have had of African relationships where that hasn’t come up.

What do you mean they expect you to be their mother? Do you mean they are emasculated and want you to take the reins on all decisions? I am not exactly clear on what you mean by that.

The hatred that Asian folk have for black folk I have always found so odd, but I guess all ethnicities have issues with going outside the race.

George Says:
December 27th, 2008 

@Ciru: I loved your comments above! I learned some new things from your perspective. I’m sensative to the kitchen-girl stuff, so I always pitch in with some cooking and some dishes to help my wife. I also do 95% of the laundry while she’s at work since I’m self-employed at home.

My previous comments are right above yours and I would like your permission to put your comments on our website under Interracial Relationships. I’m sure our visitors would learn something also. Or, you could copy and paste it there yourself.

@Mwangi: I would like to ask your permission to reprint her comments also… I’ll put a line on there similar to reprinted with permission from the Displaced African and the link to here.

Thanks to you both in advance. ~ George

Mwangi Says:
December 27th, 2008 

@George: If Ciru is cool with it, then who am I to refuse a comment attributed to my site on yours.  ;D

Ciru Says:
December 27th, 2008

@Mwangi: The being a mother issue has to do with men who do not want to engage their brains in anything that involves effort or thought. That means you have to ask them to do each and every thing that needs to be done (reminds me of the days my mom would be leaving for work and she would tell each of us what she expected us to do since she knew that if she didn’t do that then nothing would get done).

I just frown upon having to tell a full grown man; Do the dishes, do the laundry, warm the car up, take the garbage out. Eventually the romance gets drained out of the relationship since the woman ends up being the one calling all the shots. I like to be involved in decision making but not the one responsible for making all the decisions. If I ask any question the automatic, no-thought-involved answer should not be “I don’t know.” It is ok not to know but show that you actually thought about it.

As an adult one should have the ability and willingness to be proactive.

@George: By all means you can use the comments as long as they are not paraphrased (the intended meaning could be lost).

Mwangi Says:
December 27th, 2008

@Ciru: Wow, I can actually pinpoint exact moments when my mother has used exactly those words, with exactly the same justifications, the same metaphors and language ( “I expect you to have a brain etc” ) and yet there was no movie or school or social group that taught all this……this is spooky, lol.

But I get you now.

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